Attraction and Relationship Terms

VOCABULARY IN THE AROMANTIC COMMUNITY RELATING TO ATTRACTION AND RELATIONSHIPS

This glossary is a continuously updating record of terms that have been and are being used in the aromantic community by at least one person. As a record, this glossary is meant to document the various concepts that are thought up when the language is not sufficient to describe people’s experiences and doesn’t encourage or discourage the use of any term.

Please keep in mind these are shortened definitions and identities can be nuanced. This glossary was last updated in Oct 2021.

*Terms that are not commonly used by the community or are newly emerging are marked with an asterisk (*)

An interest or desire for romantic contact or interaction with a particular person. This type of attraction often comes with strong feelings, usually infatuation and the wish to form a romantic relationship with that person.

Crush – an intense feeling of romantic attraction to a person.

Sexual attraction

An interest or desire for sexual contact or interaction with a particular person.

Smush – the sexual equivalent of a crush. A smush is an intense feeling of sexual attraction to a person.

Tertiary attraction

An umbrella term that includes types of attraction that are not strictly categorizable into romantic attraction or sexual attraction.

Aesthetic attraction

An interest or strong appreciation for a particular person’s appearance or beauty. 

Swish – the aesthetic equivalent of a crush. A swish is an intense feeling of aesthetic attraction to a person.

An interest or desire for emotional closeness without necessarily being platonic and/or romantic. Alterous is often used in the place of -romantic or -sexual suffixes (e.g., bialterous instead of biromantic).

1. A significant attraction that is related to other attractions (e.g., romantic)

2. A significant attraction that is unrelated to any other attraction

Coined by: Schizotypal-scully (original, archived)

Flag variations (original, archived)

Mesh - the alterous equivalent of a crush. A mesh is an intense feeling of alterous attraction to a person.

Exteramo attraction*

A significant interest or desire for emotional closeness with a particular person, that falls outside of platonic and/or romantic attraction. 

Coined by: Aromanticrey (original, archived)

Fluitic attraction*

An interest or desire to have a wavership with a particular person.

Coined by: Wavership (original, archived)

Flag (original, archived)

An interest or desire for friendship or other close relationship with a particular person. Most often, this relationship is non-romantic and non-sexual, but this can vary depending on the person.

Squish

1. The platonic equivalent of a crush. A squish is an intense feeling of platonic attraction, commonly mistaken with ‘just wanting to be friends with someone.’

2. The equivalent of a crush for other types of attraction. Sometimes used as a catch-all term for other types of non-romantic non-sexual attractions.

Coined by: Raisin a.k.a. A-gent Raisin (original, archived)

Sensual attraction

An interest or desire to touch or be physically close to someone, in a non-sexual way such as hugging or cuddling.

Flag (original, archived)

Lush – the sensual equivalent of a crush. A lush is an intense feeling of sensual attraction to a person.

Amorous / partnering*

Describes an aromantic person who wishes to form a significant partnership with others. The opposite of nonamorous (not everyone finds this category of description relevant).

Describes a person who experiences little to no platonic attraction. This means they rarely or never experience squishes, which are strong desires to form a friendship with a particular person.

Coined by: Mr. Shuttershy (original, archived)

        Flag variations (original, archived)

Aplatonic spectrum (aplspec)

1. An umbrella term for people who experience little to no platonic attraction, abbreviated to aplspec.

2. Aplspec is also used as a specific identity describing someone who experiences conditional or otherwise non normative platonic attraction, but doesn’t label it further. Platonic is often used in the place of -romantic or -sexual suffixes (e.g., demiplatonic instead of demiromantic).

Flag variations (original, archived)

Appromour*

Describes a relationship or partner that is not romantic. It may not quite fit the definition of a queerplatonic relationship or queerplatonic partner either. Appromour is a way to describe a relationship that may seem like a romantic relationship to oneself or outside observers but is decidedly still not romantic.

Coined by: Pixelprattlexp (original, archived)

Amatopunk*

Challenging notions of what it means to be in a relationship, defining love, and how important each form of it is to society.

Coined by: Kenochoric (original)

Flag (original)

Aromate*

Describes a platonic friend who fulfills the role of a soulmate in a nonromantic way.

Coined by: Caeghost (original, archived)

A group of individuals who, based on emotional closeness, deliberately choose one another to play significant roles in each other’s lives and consider each other family even though they are not biologically or legally related.

Ethical non-monogamy

A broad umbrella term that describes relationships or a desire for relationships with more than one partner involved. All partners consent to the relationships and regularly communicate about their terms on equitable footing.

There are many types of ethical non-monogamy, including open relationships, swinging, polyamory, and relationship anarchy.

Foveo*

Describes a partner in a relationship is not inherently romantic nor platonic, but features physical and/or sexual attraction and intimacy. Created as an alternative to “friends with benefits”.

Coined by: Lollie (original)

Monogamy repulsion*

A measurement of how much a person feels uncomfortable with components of monogamy (sexual, emotional, social, and activity) being displayed or directed at them.

Coined by: Mark (original, archived)

Describes a person who does not wish to form a significant partnership with others.

Nonamorous coined by: Anagnori (original, archived)

Nonpartnering coined by: Omitef#7790 on Arocalypse Discord

Flag variations (original, archived)

Paramour*

Describes a friend that one has a significant sexual relationship with.

Coined by: Alexei (archived)

Peach fuzz*

When Queerplatonic Partners pretend to be in a romantic relationship to stave off questions from friends and family asking why they’re not dating anyone.

Coined by: Sleepyspoonie (original, archived)

Describes a person who practices or desires non-romantic and/or non-sexual affectionate relationships where individuals have more than one partner, with the knowledge and consent of all partners. A type of polyamory that is explicitly non-romantic and/or non-sexual.

Flag (original, archived)

The practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships where individuals may have more than one partner, with the knowledge and consent of all partners. Individuals who practice polyamory are called polyamorous.

Flag variations (original, archived)

Queerplatonic (quasiplatonic) relationship (QPR)

A committed non-romantic relationship that goes beyond what is the subjective cultural norm for a friendship. Levels of intimacy and/or behaviors between the partners involved often don’t fit the conventional standards set by society. Some QPRs can include sex and elements that are generally considered romantic. In practice every queerplatonic relationship is different. Abbreviated to QPR, and queerplatonic (quasiplatonic) partner to QPP. Another common word for QPP used to be zucchini.

Coined by: Meloukhia and Kaz (original, archived)

        A helpful source (original, archived)

Flag variations (original, archived)

Plush/Squash – the queerplatonic equivalent of a crush. A plush/squash is a desire to enter into a queerplatonic relationship with a particular person.

Semi-SAM*

A type of application of the Split Attraction Model (SAM). The semi-SAM is fluctuation in how one can classify their identity. For example, sometimes identifying under a SAM model feels appropriate, while at other times it does not. It can also be used if one feels a particular identity takes priority, but does not wish to disregard any other identities.

Coined by: Black-aros (archived)

Soft romo

An adjective to describe something that is low-level romantic. A soft romo relationship is defined by the coiner as somewhere in between a queerplatonic and a romantic relationship.

Coined by: Viola (original, archived)

An axis describing a person’s level of comfort with actions that are perceived as romantic directed at them or displays of them (in person or in media). The level of comfort may be dynamic and conditional.

Romance repulsed/averse – describes a person who is mildly to severely uncomfortable with romance directed at them or displays of romantic affections.

Romance indifferent – describes a person who is neither uncomfortable with nor particularly enthusiastic about romance directed at them or displays of romantic affections.

Romance favorable – describes a person who is comfortable with and may enjoy romance or displays of romantic affections.

The belief that no kinds of intimate relationships are superior to others, despite some being more highly valued in society. It is usually non-monogamous and is based on the premise that a relationship doesn’t have to conform to socially-prescribed norms. Community interdependence is another important facet of RA (“community not couples”). Opposed to amatonormativity and not specific to aromantics.

Coined by:  Andie Nordgren (original, archived)

The stigmatization of or discrimination against people who are single.

Coined by: Bella DePaulo

Touch averse

Describes a person who is mildly to severely uncomfortable with physical touch. The level of discomfort may be dynamic and conditional.

Varioriented / Mixed orientation identity

Any combination of a sexual orientation and romantic orientation that do not “match up,” or share the same gender preference. For example, aromantic pansexual, biromantic heterosexual, homoromantic asexual, etc. are mixed orientation identities. Also called cross-orientation sexuality.

Venusplatonic*

Describes a person who does not want romance or a romantic relationship, but considers strong platonic love and relationships very important, including exclusive ones like QPRs. Also describes a person who experiences some sort of tetritary attraction.

Coined by: reggiestein.v (original)

Flag (original)

Voidpunk

A movement of rejecting one’s own human identity in response to systemic dehumanization. Voidpunk is a way of coping with dehumanization by reclaiming it. Not specific to aromantic people.

Coined by: Arotaro and Milkchocolatebowl (original, archived)

Flag (archived)

Wavership*

Describes a relationship that fluctuates or is fluid between different kinds of relationships.

Coined by: Wavership (original, archived)

Zedromantic*

Describes a person who experiences romantic attraction or is not on the aromantic spectrum. An alternate term to alloromantic.

Coined by: Arco-pluris (original, archived)