Meet the activist who's making ground
Written by the AUREA Team
Word count: 1309
Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
“I’ve gained a greater understanding about the different ways that love manifests.”
When aromantics imagine the future and a successful movement, we see our identity being recognised. We see ourselves mentioned offhand with an easy understanding of our spectrum and language. It is one thing fighting hate and disgust, it is another thing entirely to fight anonymity. When we imagine progress, we see aromanticism in the spotlight.
Yasmin Benoit is a front runner for our cause. Each month we record aromantic events and articles in our What’s Going On series; and each month there are good odds that Yasmin will feature on that list. Her activism is one of education and example. There are many misconceptions about a-spec people that need to be broken and Yasmin is changing the world every time she speaks. It’s been a great honour to feature her here.
A photo of Yasmin
Tell us a bit about yourself. What’s the important stuff?
I’m 23, Black-British of Trinidadian descent, model, writer, influencer, asexuality and aromantic activist.
What does aromanticism mean to you?
Not experiencing romantic attraction - I go by the general definition.
Do you remember discovering the word aromantic?
I can’t remember when I discovered it but it was when I was a teenager, I just didn’t put much emphasis on it because I didn’t see the need. It was only when I encountered more people from the asexual community and realised that a lot of them weren’t aromantic, and that it is an important qualifier, that I started using it properly.
What was your relationship with romance in the past? And now?
I don’t alter my behaviour based on descriptors, they just explain by existing behaviour, so finding labels didn’t change me as a person. My relationship with romance has always been the same, it isn’t something I empathise with. I get it on a theoretical level, not on a personal level. It’s something I’ve had to analyse and try to understand a lot.
You’ve talked about knowing your identity in your early teens, how did you first interact with the aromantic community?
I’ve only encountered openly aromantic people in real life through my activism and through the asexual community, like at the UK Asexuality Conference. The first time was in 2018. I knew the terms in my teens but that didn’t lead to me doing much to interact with aromantic people online, as I wasn’t much of a social media person back then.
You’re described as an asexual activist, how did you come into the title and where would you say your aromanticism fits into that?
Well, what I do would be considered as activism by most people’s understanding, and the main focus is on asexuality because our society is more focused - and places more emphasis on - sexual orientations rather than romantic ones. Getting into the split attraction model in your average newspaper headline is usually a bit much for the audience, but it’s something that I nearly always mention because it’s part of my experience. It’s just the second layer for practical reasons.
What’s it like being one of the most well known asexual activists?
I’m flattered by the support I’ve managed to accumulate in a short period of time and the advancements I’ve helped to make. It’s always nice to know that you’re making a positive impact and leaving a legacy somehow, which is what I’ve always wanted to do. It’s quite a lot of pressure as well and a lot of work goes into it.
Tell us about your Ace of Clubs, what sparked the idea and do you have any plans for Pride this year?
It’s hard to predict the plans for Pride, because things come up sometimes that I’d never expect. Ace of Clubs was one of those things, people from Budweiser approached me with that idea, I never would have been able to do it myself because I don’t have that kind of budget. It came out of nowhere, and so did speaking at Prague Pride, so I don’t know what’s in store. In theory, I have more of a profile now, so it should be bigger and better, but who knows? I’ll be attending Reading Pride and London Pride at the very least anyway!
What has been a favourite moment in your asexual/aromantic journey?
In terms of understanding my own identity, I didn’t have much of a problem with that, so the highlights come from my activism. Being flown out to Prague Pride as a special guest, speaking at events there, marching in there parade and bringing out more of an asexual crowd than ever before, was an amazing experience I couldn’t have imagined. Getting to open the first ever asexual bar, and seeing so many people there just having a great time, was incredible. My Attitude Magazine cover was another highlight, that’s another thing I couldn’t have expected.
How has your view of the world changed over the years since learning about aromanticism?
I’ve learned more about split-attraction and I’ve gained a greater understanding about the different ways that love manifests.
In regards to your identity, what has been a big challenge of yours?
I guess just feeling like I couldn’t be entirely honest with people without triggering an overly personal debate about my identity. People often ask about romantic relationships and lots of people are happy to get into that conversation, when aromanticism comes up, people start analysing and questioning you like you’re a lab rat.
What does general LGBT politics do for you?
It brings non-heteronormative perspectives of sexuality into the forefront of public consciousness, which can include asexuality. A lot of my work is within the LGBT+ community with those platforms and organisations amplifying my voice.
What is something aros have in common with others in the LGBTQI+ community?
It depends on what kind of aro they are and what kind of queer person they’re being compared to. They might have nothing in common, or lots in common, but an overlap is not innately conforming to society’s expectations of you and having to deal with a lack of education, ignorance, stereotypes and misconceptions surrounding that, or even aggression from other people.
How would you like aromantic advocacy to grow?
I’d like to see it become a part of mainstream conversation, and less of a niche thing on the internet. But the concept of split-attraction would need to do that first, and that’s a whole other step.
Would you get rid of romance altogether if you could?
No, it can be an amazing thing and is for a lot of people, even if it causes some pain. It just isn’t for everyone.
What’s your favourite thing about being aromantic?
I don’t have to worry about getting a romantic partner, maintaining that relationship, recovering from it, or finding the next one. It gives me a lot more free time.
What’s your least favourite thing about being aromantic?
Having to deal with other people’s ignorance.
What is your ideal life?
Being able to change the world, help people, and make enough money to do it sustainably.
If you could change anything about the way society raises us to interact with romance, what would it be?
I’d just like it to be toned down and stop putting it on the top of the relationship hierarchy, or used as the pinnacle in every narrative.
Are you proudly aromantic?
Of course! I feel proud when I know I’m making an impact and doing something constructive. I’ve turned what our society views as a weakness into a strength. My only struggle is trying to work out where it’s going when it’s all new territory.
If you could go back in time and give yourself some advice, what would you say?
I’d tell my young teenage self to give it time, because I’ll end up being the cool one after all.