Meet the creator behind the A OK podcast

Written by the AUREA Team

Word count: 1288
Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

“I fought against my truth. Obviously, that’s bullshit.”

When it comes to the world of a-spec content the landscape is sparse and yet still, wonderfully rich. With the aromantic and asexual orientations becoming better well known every day, more and more people are recognising these identities in themselves. Hearing a person talk about their aromanticism is an experience that is as heartwarming as it is entrancing. 

Courtney has made this gift one you can have often. On each episode of her podcast, A OK, Courtney interviews aromantic and/or asexual people to talk a bit about themselves and so much more. For our a-spec audience, listening to each person speak you will find every one of them has something familiar to say and something you’ve never thought about. In the following interview, it is Courtney in the spotlight and she is no different.

What does aromanticism mean to you?

Aromanticism, in my case, means I have never felt romantically attracted to anyone, and I can’t imagine ever feeling that way in the future. I’ve never had a crush in my life. That doesn’t mean I can’t love. It means I have never romantically wanted another person. Confessions of romantic love repel me. It’s not personal, I promise.

Do you remember discovering the word aromantic?

I don’t remember when I discovered the word, but I remember sincerely hoping I wasn’t actually aromantic. I remember hoping I was just a very late bloomer. Society told me romantic love was necessary to be happy, and I believed it, so I fought against my truth. Obviously, that’s bullshit. Now I know and accept who I am. I’ve never been more certain than I am now that you can have a fulfilling life surrounded by family, friends, laughter, and pure joy without having to follow the rules of someone else’s game. 

Who were you before you discovered the descriptor? What was your relationship with romance like? What is it like now?

I was an experimenter. If something didn’t work for me, I changed it without hesitation. Before I learned about aromanticism and asexuality, romance and sex were the same foreign land to me. I wasn’t drawn to any of it, and I thought that meant something was wrong or missing. I started to think that maybe I was actually super kinky, but when that didn’t work, I thought maybe I just never dated people long enough to fall in love. I distinctly remember sitting in the car with a friend and making a pact to force ourselves to try and date someone for at least two months. We both failed. Again and again I tried. But now that I know who I actually am, I am SO happy to be done trying to feel something I can’t.

How did A OK begin? What first sparked this idea?

I was at a low point with my mental health. I felt very alone and doubted myself constantly, and I just wanted to hear other people on the ace and aro spectrums say that everything was going to be okay. I knew I couldn’t be the only one feeling this way, and I thought maybe I could record and share my conversations. I made a post in my local queer community Facebook group about a potential interview-based podcast, and the replies came flooding in!

What does the podcast do for you?

It’s such an honor to be able to talk to such amazing people every week. Every single person I’ve interviewed has honestly brought so much light and laughter into my life. Every conversation is so validating.

What have you learnt through hosting A OK?

Even as someone who is aro and ace, I learn new things all the time. And not just things about asexuality and aromanticism; the other day, one of my guests taught me all about gravity! I thought I knew everything about gravity, but I was wrong! GRAVITY IS SO COOL!

What has been a favourite moment of yours?

In general, I just really love and appreciate how diverse our community is. Everyone comes from such a wide range of backgrounds and experiences, but we all still have so much in common. It’s amazing to be able to scream with someone forty years older than you about how weird french kissing is.

How have you changed since undertaking this project?

I like to think I’ve become much more open-minded. The people I get to talk to are always broadening my horizons and revealing parts of the community I had no idea existed.

What’s in the future for you and/or A OK?

I really hope to get the word out and expand our listener-base! It’s so important to hear people’s experiences in their own words. Awareness and representation is so important, and I just hope A OK is helping others the same way it’s helping me.

How has your view of the world changed over the years since learning about aromanticism?

My view of myself and my view of the world go hand-in-hand. At first, I wished there was a way I could change myself to fit in more. Now, I know it’s the world that needs changing, not me.

In regards to your identity, what has been a big challenge of yours? Either from an outside influence or an internal one.

A big challenge for me has been to stop second-guessing my identity. I’m definitely ace and aro, but I have moments of “what if?” I think most of it stems from other people’s doubts about my orientation, along with a more general fear of being alone. If everyone accepted me right off the bat, I would probably never doubt myself. And everyone’s afraid of being alone -- that’s not unique to the aromantic and asexual communities!

How would you like aromantic advocacy to grow?

More representation! Seeing someone like you portrayed on a screen or in a book is so validating. Aromanticism has a major shortage of representation, even compared to the rest of the LGBTQ+ community.

Would you get rid of romance altogether if you could?

My knee-jerk reaction is to yell YES! But no, I really do think romance is beautiful. I’m a sap for romantic stories even if I will never be a main character in one. But that’s the same for sci-fi and fantasy stories, right? No matter how much I love reading about dragons, they just don’t exist! Can’t ride one even if I wanted to. Would probably be very inconvenient anyway.

What’s your favourite thing about being aromantic?

How much love I have for my friends! It seems like some people who feel romantic love really miss out on friendships, and that’s so sad to me! Friends are everything. 

What’s your least favourite thing about being aromantic?

I’m so tired of people feeling sorry for me. I’m fine! Save your pity for something productive, like a donation box.

What is your ideal life?

Oh gosh, whose ideal life doesn’t involve living on a farm near the ocean/mountains with your best friends?

If you could change anything about the way society raises us to interact with romance, what would it be?

Don’t tell us romance is the key to happiness! Don’t tell us we’re all going to fall in love someday! And please, for the love of god, stop teaching us that romantic love is more important than all other forms of love!

If you could go back in time and give yourself some advice, what would you say?

Figure out what you need, not what others say you need. Happiness can be simple. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.