My Aromantic Community (Part 2)
The following is a collection of reader submitted narratives. We asked how aromantics would like to see the aromantic community change and grow. Their answers detail personal stories, thoughts, and feelings. Apart from general grammar edits, these submissions have been published as submitted, and as such be aware of discussions of arophobia and amatonormativity. This is the final instalment of two.
Word count: 1900
Estimated reading time: 10 minutes
I just want us to be visible. I want us to be understood and respected. To be treated like our feelings are valid and that we shouldn’t hide who we are, even among LGBT+ community
nomorenapinks
I'd love an in-person group. I might make one.
Anon
Honestly what I ask from every part of the queer community: to address and expel racism. The vast majority of discussions in both real life and online spaces ignore the realities of racism, especially anti-blackness, that permeates. And that needs to end, especially because an end to amatonormativity means that we need to crush its origins of white supremacy.
Anon
I would love more people to recognize people on the aromantic spectrum. I would also like to see more things I, as an aromantic person, could participate in. Like local meetings, or more online forums. I would also like to see more characters in media be aromantic (and not evil. Or severely lonely).
Kimmie
I want to be recognized, I want to be able to say I am aro without people looking at me weird or assuming that means I am asexual (not that there is anything wrong with being asexual, but no all aromantics are asexual just like not all asexuals are aromantic), I want to be able to participate in pride without people telling me I don’t belong there
Harley
Mutual support in regards to dealing with society as an outlier and educating each other as well as helping one another navigate society that doesn’t always have room for the notion of aromantic people.
Marci
More push to be recognized
Anon
I want to see more creative projects about all the diverse aro experiences, made by aro creators. I connect with others through stories, and enjoy seeing parts of me reflected in their comics, books, and video games. Really any medium!
Miles
I want to see multitudes. I want to see flexibility and understanding of our differences. I want to see people talk frankly about what their own aromanticism means to them without fearing they're "being aro wrong," and I want multiple routes to an aromantic identity to be welcomed without any of them being "the right one." I want us to investigate aromanticism as a resistance to a structure of social expectations rather than treating romance as something reified and inherent that everybody either Feels or Dpesn't Feel.
I want social analysis of what romance is, what aromanticism is, and what these look like under social structures and social pressures rather than being hyper-individualized. I want freedom to be whatever you want, the way you want it, celebrated, rather than certain feelings or relationship types being siloed into "belonging" or "exclusive" to certain identities. I want recognition of the fuzzy boundaries of identities and the sometimes undefinability of feelings. I want the ability to define myself by my choices, desires, and hopes for the future, not purely my "attraction" types. I want us to rise to the promise of destroying amatonormativity and every expectation of what it means to be "normal".
Kate venatrixlunaris
More awareness about aromantics and loveless aromantics
Anon
I want this community to achieve it's place in common knowledge as separate from asexual without resorting to tearing down the asexual community
remy
I wish that it was easier to come to terms with the fact that im aro but still have a partner who i love. I understand amatonormativity and being romance repulsed, but when i came out as aro i was terrified. I would love to see more acceptance and support for that! Also, less of an aro community thing, but sometimes ill see things that only apply to asexuals in aro spaces, and it makes me uncomfortable!
Goopie
I'd like to see more open aro people in the media
Anon
More acceptance of every difference type of aromantic + their views on romance.
Cherry, Rae, or Everest
More awareness, so that people don't end up pressured into romantic relationships because they feel that is what is expected (ik some aromantic people choose romantic relationships, but the choice is the important thing) - the more people who are aware that we're here the more people know that there isn't one way to be a person
Anon
I'd like to see more arospec specific spaces. I heard there used to be a lot more before exclusionists mucked things up
Anon
A known presence to be there for questioning/confused Aros who don't know about the aro community.
Anon
that we will be accepted as a valid part of the community and that we will have more representation
moth
More space and understanding for aros who don't date and want nothing to do with romance real or fictional. I support and validate all aros and think we all deserve space and consideration but it gets hard when you feel alienated even within your own community for being romance repulsed and completely uninterested in dealing with it at all.
Anon
I want for the community to become more widely recognized and for there to be more spaces for the microlabels within it or easy ways to share the experiences of those on the grey spectrum. The community is pretty much perfect for me if it wasn't for its small size and visibility, mostly.
Anon
I think people should know we exist, and respect us.
Júlia
There are two types of 'wants' I have for the aromantic community; things I want to see happen within the community, and things I want for our community to come from external sources. Internally, I'm always excited to see the community creating new stories, songs, and art. It expands and enrichens 'aro culture'. But I also hope to see us find more ways of including and supporting each other in our interactions, so that fewer and fewer aros feel alienated in their own community. I'd also just really love to see our community grow - more people with more ideas supporting each other and creating resources.Externally, I'd love to see more recognition and acceptance of aros outside of aro spaces. And I'd like to see our activism reach more people and gain opportunities to take further strides, eventually leading to social or political changes that would make life better for aromantics.
Autumn
That we can communicate more, creating more spaces to talk about our experiences and how can we help each other with our problems and educating those around us.
Anon
I want it to be more known, something people know like how they know what gay is, what trans is. And i want other queer non-aros to help it, to help it grow and to help us in general. And i want the Aro community to stop fighting each other, i want alloaros and romance favourables and aroaces and loveless and lovequeer and other aros all working together. Love and romance is not a need for anyone to be whole, but love and romance also doesn't make anyone less Aro, but sometimes the Aro community really does not treat them well, even unintentionally. I want it to be a friendly place for ALL Aros, i want it to be a safe space, i don't want it to be bogged down by in-fighting, either because of sex negativity, internalized arophobia turned external, a condescending view of what REAL Aromantics are like, or any other things. I want it to be safe, and i want it to be known so people know it's there if they want to.
Haze
more visibility
Anon
i honestly don't know, i just want aros to be able to exist without being given shit by allos all the time.
Anon
I want people outside the community know the fact that being aromantic is valid and it doesn't mean aromatics don't deserve love.Aromantic people can also make people and partner happy and feel loved.They may not react to typical romantic things but they are not unable to spread love.Being aromantic doesn't mean you are a humourless person too.So I want fellow aromantics accept themselves cuz world can be harsh sometimes and they may feel leftout.There's should be only one difference and that's between "good or bad" not what race,gender,sexuality the specific person is holding
Rinki
I want to drop that awkward feeling that saying i am an Ace somehow makes me cold or unfeeling, or even seen as unsexual.
Liev
Us confident, proud and vocal. Being able to discuss all the niches and every little theory or idea we've had. Also, zero ace-centricism! Not all aros are ace, and as an aroallo it's really tiring to be excluded within my own space. Just everyone being unabashedly aro, and being taken seriously for it inside and out!
Anon
I don't know. Maybe more meetups, the normalization of platonic group activities especially for older aros (40+)
Anon
visibility above all else. i find most online spaces get caught up on microscopic details and forget that the vast majority of people don't even know we exist, and that acknowledgement within wider culture is what communities like this should *be for*- both for broader recognition and social change, but also so people who may be struggling to recognize their own aromanticism can see others like them thriving and hopefully avoid internalizing anything harmful our amatanormative society might tell them about their value as a human being
Mercury
I want more exposure in all facets, like romance attitudes/leanings, amatonormativity, and emphasis on non-romantic relationship styles.
Soleil Smith
Inclusion of lesser known romantic orientations/experiences, like romance favorable aromantics
Anon
I hope to see more POC in the community, it would be nice to see how non Western cultures interacts with aromanticism.
Anon
It woud be nice if we could spread awareness about our identity, both to educate allos and to help fellow aros who may still think they're "broken" because they never heard of the community. We could also promote events online to help and give more visibility for people in the community, like aro artists or something like this.
Nabi
I want a place to meet fellow aros separate from LGTB+ and ace spaces. I think having our own space would be nice because the problems aro people face are different from those of the rest of the LGBT+ community. Aroaces and any Aro-spec or questioning people should be welcome (alloromantics with aro friends that want to know more about being aro could be invited since we obviously need more visibility)
Anon
I want more awareness about gray and demiromantic people!! There's not just one way to be aromantic and I'd love to see more information of that.
Anon
I just want to meet more of them it is hard to come by people like me and me being in a very not supportive school it makes me feel very alone
Spades
I want to have more visibility for the aromantic community so that other people will know we exist and will understand us better. I also want the community to become as diverse and international as the asexual community so that there are many stories and resources from different cultures and in different languages. I think this will help new aromantics to figure themselves out and accept themselves so that questioning aromantics know that they are not alone.
Anon
The first part of this collection can be found here.