The Unique World of Arospec Teens
Written by Kayley, guest contributor
Word count: 1233
Estimated reading time: approx. 6-8 minutes
Please note: The following was based on interviews of individuals residing in the United States of America and provide meaningful insight into the lives of most American arospec teens but may not be entirely applicable to the rest of the general arospec population.
From High School Musical to Mean Girls, every one of these highly popularized and stereotypical American high school movies seem to have a plot that revolves around romantic relationships, crushes, school dances, and dates. While these films may be considered unrealistic through their exaggerated portrayals of American teenagers, in reality, high school is often characterized by the prevalence of romance. It can be seen in the way friends often talk in hushed voices about their “crush of the week” or the rumors that spread in hallways about the new couple that just announced their relationship. It’s an inescapable part of the “high school life,” and so much so that students who cannot relate or understand this notion of romance find it difficult to fit in and engage in conversation with friends or peers.
As a teen who identifies as aromantic, I’ve found that many of my interactions in the school environment were altered by my unique perspective on romance and relationships. This was why I wanted to explore exactly how other arospec youth may be impacted and whether their experiences mirrored my own. I set out to gain insight from a couple of my peers through an interview process in which I asked the following questions:
How has being arospec affected your high school life both in and outside of school?
Have you shared your identity as arospec with individuals around you? Why or why not?
Was there ever a moment when you felt uncomfortable at school or around peers due to your identity?
(I will now refer to the participants as A and B in order to preserve their anonymity.)
Upon finishing the interviews, it was apparent that while there were a few differences when it came to individual experiences, there was also an overwhelming number of similarities between the responses given as well as with my own experiences. The most notable point was that arospec teens may often face significant challenges with seemingly simple tasks, such as communication or interaction with peers.
A explained, “Identifying as aromantic has caused me to be excluded from interacting with other children my age, and in turn, caused me to exclude myself from interacting with others…from something as small as not being part of a discussion about dating boys to not being invited to parties/other events due to my lack of interest, this part of my identity makes it harder for me to be open about my sexuality…”
The feelings and concerns expressed through this response were reflected in the other participant’s as well. As B stated, “Being aromantic means I have a hard time empathizing or just simply bonding with people because everyone around me would be so engrossed in love and such while I wasn’t able to be like that…”
To the majority, a conversation about crushes during lunch with friends seems incredibly ordinary and common, but such situations place a heavy weight onto arospec teens simply due to the fact that they find it hard to relate. These feelings of isolation only worsen when arospec teens begin to distance themselves from their peers, and even end up hiding their identity or making up a different excuse as to why they feel uncomfortable with a conversation that may seem entirely normal to the vast majority.
But other times, arospec teens are not mere observers, as they often get questions directed towards them as well. A common example is the recurring, “Do you like anyone?” Questions like these can be challenging for arospec teens to respond to, especially due to the difficulty of explaining their identity as well as the reaction that may occur.
As B noted, “There were many times when I was asked if I had a crush in school and when I said ‘No, I’ve never had one,’ people would be confused and sometimes shocked…friends would even say ‘That's so sad, why would you want to be alone forever?’ and I never understood why they thought it was so strange.”
Additionally, due to the fact that aromanticism is not often addressed, it is not uncommon for arospec individuals to feel the need to provide a different explanation separate from their identity as aromantic in order to help others understand a part of themselves that seems too difficult to convey.
As A explained, “When the topic of my sexuality comes up around others, I usually choose to say that I’m a different label (ex. Lgbt, lesbian, gay, queer, etc. since I’m not 100% sure about all of my labels) to protect myself since those labels are more familiar to most people.”
In other cases, uncomfortable situations can arise as a result of societal assumptions regarding romantic relationships. For this one, I can provide a clear example. When most people see two individuals interacting often or displaying signs of affection, they like to jump to conclusions and ask the question of “Are you two dating?”.
I have encountered this many times, and to put it simply, it was terrible. Not only did I feel uncomfortable fully sharing my identity, but I also felt as if I had to share that personal detail or else it would be impossible to have others stop speculating about my relationships with close friends. Sadly, this has resulted in me distancing myself from male friends (as I am a cis female and some people often assume things when it comes to male/female relationships) and being reluctant to make friends in new environments.
Now, while the struggles mentioned above could be experienced by any arospec individual regardless of age, there are certain factors that set experiences of arospec teens apart from the rest. This is because for arospec teens, age and environment play a significant role in how their identity is perceived both internally and externally.
As A noted, “Experiencing this while in high school–a period of growth known to revolve around pursuing romantic and sexual interests–makes me feel as if I'm not changing the way I should be.”
From the stigma surrounding “single” people to the overwhelming feeling experienced by many high schoolers in which they believe they need to have a romantic partner in order to feel accepted or validated by others their age, it seems as if it is impossible for arospec teens to feel completely comfortable with their identity. The fear of not being taken seriously or of being accused of “having no heart” keep their identity locked away. However, there may be a possible solution to these concerns—education, advocacy, and “safe spaces.”
An extra final question I asked during the interview was regarding how current high school environments may be improved to better the experiences of arospec teens, and both participants highlighted the possible impact education may have on enacting positive change.
As B stated, “Perhaps one thing that may improve the environment would be for schools to do presentations on aromanticism to educate others about it.”
Similarly, A explained, “The issue of aromantic exclusion and erasure from high school life is rooted in societal standards for romantic relationships (obviously not something that can easily be solved by high school reforms). However, I believe educational advocacy and uplifting the voices of those in the community are crucial to any form of social change, and to incorporate this, it should be easier for students to form identity-related clubs/organizations and teachers should always make it clear that their classroom is a safe space.”