My Aromantic Future
Word count: 10754
Estimated reading time: 46 minutes
The following is a collection of reader submitted narratives. They detail personal stories, thoughts, and feelings about aromantic futures. Apart from general grammar edits, these submissions have been published as submitted, and as such be aware of discussions of romance, mental illness, and sex.
We created a word cloud to represent the most common ideas mentioned in these submissions. To our delight, there was a lot of positivity. Friends, future, love, family, myself, people, own, and home all stand out as keywords many of us share when thinking about our futures. And isn’t that lovely?
The future? Somewhere I could settle down that's close to one of the big cities as they always attract music concerts and I want to be going to concerts until I can't possibly go to any more, but also somewhere somewhat quiet as I only really like being in cities or busy areas when I have reason to be, something like a small village not too far from a city but close enough so that the journey to and from isn't a big trouble, other than that just a nice quiet place with a nice community and hopefully a good portion of pets big and small to keep me company and perhaps if the right person comes along that has the right mindset and interests a platonic (or dare I say queerplatonic) friend to be able to share the ups and downs with.
All in all thinking of the future is a daunting thing but if I could have my way something like the above would be ideal for me.
- Jamie Jack
I have always desired a comfortable, cosy, "housewife" existence, except without the expectation of husbands and melancholic complacency that comes part and parcel with that. Now that I have a wonderful queerplatonic partner, I once again long for the day where that dream becomes a reality and I spend my days quietly in our shared apartment (and maybe further down the line, a house!) doing the quite frankly boring things I enjoy such as cleaning (yes, I know), reading, and watching Netflix, and dutifully learning to cook so I can provide for my QPP as much as they would be providing for me. Maybe we'll even get a cat!
- Anonymous
I'm happy with just having my own apartment with a cat. Just having a job I like and going home to hobbies and cuddles. I want to travel and see the beauty in the world. I just want to wake up happy.
- Sunshine
I can see myself living my life as it is right now for many years to come. I work as a government official and my contract has no end date. Obviously there are lots of things to be done so my goal is to change jobs within the organisation every 5-10 years to keep developing myself. To do so I'm currently studying for my 2nd bachelor degree. Even though I don't think I'll ever do a 3rd degree I definitely want short courses to be part of my life. As in my personal life I find it's fulfilling to do some volunteering. I currently do that for sport clubs I'm a member of but I've done more in the past and I can definitely see myself doing more in the future (even if it's only after my retirement). Also I like to go on vacation ( ca 3 weeks every year) and I try to visit countries/places I've never been to before.
I've been trying to figure out what kind of aunt I want to be. My brother and his wife don't have children yet but they want to in the future. And I realise they are going to be my family and probably heirs so I think I would want to play a more active role in their life compared to my own aunties who all had their own family. I hope I'll figure that out as time goes by.
I'm not afraid of when I get really old. I know several people without kids who have no trouble coping on their own. There also is technology to help me. I will have to move when I'm in my 60s because I live in an apartment on the 3rd floor and there's no elevator. But that's also something that I'll figure out over time.
Overall I think my life is not better or worse than that of someone in a relationship. It's just different and that works better for me. I can't see myself being happy in a romantic relationship and that's fine with me. As long as I get out in the world and do my thing I'll be living a fulfilling life. I'm looking forward to it!
- Diane
When I imagine my future I'm almost always at a desk w/ the assumption I'm doing something creative or on the internet. I imagine myself living alone (or w/ a cat) in a small condo. I would have a job (most likely at a library) to pay for rent and I'd somehow turn art/music into a paying hobby on the side. I have a close best friend/qpp/partner who I spread a great deal of time with. I sometimes recognize that we should live together in this imaginary future as to "save on rent." I sometimes imagine me taking a trip to Japan even though I don't like traveling. All I want from my future is to be mentally okay enough that I can live on my own/somewhere else and truly focus on my creative endeavors.
- Anonymous
I want to live a quiet, homely life. In my dream future, I have a job I enjoy and that pays enough that I can afford an apartment or small house of my own. My home is full of books and pot plants. I have a cat, two rabbits, and most importantly, I am a mother. I make breakfast for my children every morning, I ask them about their day when they get home from school, and I snuggle up with them and tell them bedtime stories at night. I might have a co-parent, but more likely I have a close-knit group of friends; we visit each other often and help each other out at home. I love myself for being aroace and I am confident being out. My children and their friends trust me, and when some of them, growing up, realise that they aren't straight either, they are comfortable sharing it with me, and I tell them that everything will be okay, love has many forms, and whatever they need, they will find it.
- Anonymous
As a Greyromantic romance is definitely in the cards even though it sometimes fluctuates. I don't know if I want to get married per se, but I would love to share things with someone. I would also love to just have close friends around me at all times being able to treat them how I would treat a significant other without all the expectations of a romantic relationship.
- Kimberly Butler
My dream future is actually kind of wild and often seemingly impossible. I want to be a singer, songwriter and performer. I want to travel the world, go on music tours and I hope to help others one day with the words and the melody I'd write into my songs. Connecting with a large group of people over a common interest, identity, or life experience is literally everything I could ever hope for. I want to meet the one™ who I will fall for with the strongest squish for them in my life, and to have kids, start a family. I hope to have stronger friendships with people, and I hope one day my adopted family of friends and loved ones can mix in with my biological family so in turn I don't have to split up different parts of my life.
- Nom
I have my own cozy space, a job, a pet, some friends and loving parents. This is a lot and yet not enough. I want more significant human contacts, the freedom to be myself and approach others while respecting my personal space. Before figuring out my identity I had no ambitions towards relationships. I just did not see any hope for happiness for me in a romantic couple. Figuring out that I was aromantic and not frustrated or broken has lifted a huge weight off my heart. It also opened alternative perspectives to explore : platonic or queerplatonic relationships, ephemeral or commited, with or without children.
- Ch0c0
I'll live in a small cottage by a creek or lake. I'll have a garden, some cats for sure, maybe some dogs as well. My best, closest friends, my found family and my partner(s), will live with me, and together we will make our home. We'll have a well-stocked library, board games, gaming computers, and a meditation garden. There's a bean-bag pile in a corner for cuddle piles, and hugs abound. We'll have jobs that keep us stable and leave us time for each other and adventures.
- Rask
My goal is to be a super overachiever but- I'm going to be in school for the rest of my life. I plan to be working in the field as fast as possible, but i'm going to get a phd in psychology and an md for psychiatry, so I can help influence and change the system to make more sense and be more accessible. I want to end up in the military somehow, (marriage or working in it) so I can get myself some health care, but also put my career to work helping traumatized young soldiers who joined to get healthcare and higher education. I plan to specialize in disability and gender therapy, but I'm interested in any sort of disorders. I just want to be able to treat my patients, the most accessible way I know how: making it a one stop shop. Once i've finished my first set of schooling, to get me into working in my field, I plan to live in the area of my university, living and working until I finish my phd.
Beyond that, I plan to move closer to the coast. I don't care how I get there, or if I actually do join the military or not (we here for the healthcare), but I do want to get to the coast by any means necessary. I want to be helping and treating people, and giving them ways to describe and explain their experience, along with unconventional (and definitely not anything close to neurotypical) coping mechanisms. I want to make people's lives more accessible, in every possible way.
I want to live in a tiny apartment in a city on the coast, and live out my youth there. Once I've saved some money, I'll probably move back to one of the two places I consider home, and live in the same house that was home for me. I want to foster or adopt kids, and raise them. I want to give them healthy coping mechanisms and make them feel safe and have creative and inventive ways of parenting these kids that really need the time and attention I want to give them.
Sometime in the middle of this, I may get a partner, follow them to their dream location (where there's a coast and an urban area, there's a way), maybe foster or adopt kids with them, but I can't imagine ever having a wedding. I'm a master wedding planner at this point, but I'd never want all of that for me. maybe a domestic partnership, but I definitely don't want anything more than that. I want to settle down in one of these homey areas, either following my partner or living in one of my own. I want to make a space feel like a home, and like a dream to live in. Easy and accessible and fun, where each day doesn't feel like a chore. And while I want to live alone, I also want to live with friends. The ideal experience is an apartment building where my friends each have their own singular apartment, but where we're all in the building, so I can just go knock on their door in my pjs with a blanket and make us all have a movie night.
I want to settle down into an actual house, instead of my pretty perfect apartments, and I want to be able to settle into a calm where me and someone close to me get to travel, and I get to relive my childhood, visiting places I haven't been in what feels like a thousand years, getting to tell stories to someone who cares about me. The children I get to keep are optional. The partner is optional. But I want my career and my apartment and my friends and eventually settling down into reminisce of my childhood and past no matter what. I want a big exciting life and then I want the option to be able to calm down and settle. I want to be super close with my friends and depend on each other, regardless of who does or doesn't get married. I want to have no fear of medical care costing me anything, and I want to be able to help people.
IDK, that all just sounds like a dream to me. and a picture perfect home designed to my desires, and a closet with clothes I always feel good and at home it? a world in which I can be open about my identities and respected and always gendered properly? That's genuinely the perfect life. I could never ask for anything more.
- Ghost
I want to continue going to school and growing my education. Earning my associates and bachelors degree so I can work for the school system (like as a admission officer). Right now, I am saving for a house. Nothing big, but something that is mine. I am thinking closer to the city, but not right in the heart of everything. I want to continue trying to be a volunteer counselor online; I feel I make a difference in this way. It gives me a rewarding feeling to help someone who is reaching out. Most of all, I want to be okay with my own decision and make my own way. With mistakes and obstacles included; this way I can grow and don't rely on someone telling me what is best. Lastly, attend the anime convention in September. It is going to be amazing!
- Essence
In my dream future, I'm a successful, self-employed lawyer with a few employees I can pay comfortable wages and at least one teenager I adopted. Maybe I'll have a biological child at some point, maybe not. Maybe I'll even marry a certain demiromantic friend of mine for tax purposes. But I will have friends all around the world whom I'll visit as often as I can and I will earn enough money to live comfortably and to spoil my kid(s) and friends and to give to charity and to support artists I like and to just do nice and fun things. And I will finally start that D&D campaign I've wanted to DM forever.
- Ley
A future when I find a circle of friends who are close enough that I don't feel the need to enter a romantic relationship just to get my platonic and social needs met. Either a best friend (probably most likely) or a group of best friends who I can share my life with, even adopt kids who need a loving home and all the adults can contribute to their wellbeing. Oh, and ideally adopt a number of animals who also need a loving home.
- Lianne
My hope for the future is that I would have a nice house I'd share with my Queerplatonic partner. My Queerplatonic partner and I would have two or three pets. We would have NO kids. My QPR and I would spend a lot of time together, but also we would have more than enough time giving each other our space to do what we want, to have our own free time. We would live in a nice neighborhood in the suburbs. No stress. Our household would be filled with positivity. I would also travel to a lot of places and volunteer and help others. I enjoy helping and giving to others, and I hope to continue to do so in the future if my health allows me to.
- Anonymous
The future I'm working towards looks like freedom, endless horizons and cozy ship's engine rooms. A small place in the area I've always called home which I can return to between shifts at sea, with a flatmate (maybe my sister, maybe a friend I've yet to make) and a cat and some succulents. Windowsills lined with crystals, shelves full of books and comics, scented candles and fun soda bottles. My transformers collection is shelved carefully out of the cat's reach, but still low enough for me to take them down and play with. We have a fridge covered in magnets from every port, and my sea bag is just as covered in patches. I spend a few months every summer aboard my hometown's flagship, I make homemade bread and yogurt, I knit and write and play D&D. I go to concerts and musicals, I shop at farmer's' markets, I attend martial arts lessons and dye my hair and ink my passions into my skin. I am not trapped by financial circumstance or unwanted obligations. I am free.
- GemmaRose
In the future I am, first and foremost, able to support myself. Maybe I have a queerplatonic partner, or cohabiting friends, or someone I can kiss without marrying, or maybe I have none of those - the details of that are fuzzy. But I know that I am whole and content with myself, and I can provide for myself completely. I am content to be alone. I work with animals - in a zoo, or a wildlife center, or a nature reserve, or maybe one-on-one with pets. I find happiness in being able to find ways to communicate with them through training and through gradually learning their nature, and in being able to help others communicate with them in the same way. I contribute to my local queer communities - I find them, and if I can't, I start them myself. I explicitly and wholly include aromanticism in them. I educate the people around me without begging for acceptance - here I am, I exist, and this is what it means to be me. There is no debate on whether I am real or not.
- Anonymous
I want my future to be comfortable and full of friends who I feel I can be myself around. I want to cosplay and play Dungeons and Dragons and be able to flop at home with my birds and future German Shepherds after a long day of work. I just want life to be cosy, full of friends, and possibly dragons :P
- Cassian
My future is largely unknown; I take it one step at a time. I know I don't want to live alone: maybe I will live with my sister, and/or a group of friends, but still with my own room as a space just for me. Maybe I will have some kind of partner. Maybe there will be kids some of us raise. Hopefully a good number are musicians so we can play together. Who knows? I don't have to decide just now. I have picked my uni courses for this year, and that is all the decisions about the future I need to make at the present moment. And for me, there is relief in that. I will find my path.
- Anonymous
My future is a prism. The other side of the uncertainty that accompanies the rejection of romantic norms is a kaleidoscope of possibility. In one lens, I see a quiet life in a warm, cosy apartment, filled with the aroma of hot tea. The simplicity of solitude is a lovely melody that sings in every second. In another lens, I have a family of friends, unified in our love of learning. We are a joyful, raucous bunch that debate new ideas over the dinner table every day. I twist the prism a little to the left, and I see that we are also raising children together, committed to their happiness and growth. In all these potential worlds, I keep my love of writing and creating, my ambition to use my education for good, through academia and research or otherwise.
- Kernsing
I’m already living alone with two cats. That’s the dream. I also want to finish college and become a social worker and help as many kids escape abuse, poverty, and dangerous situations as I can. I don’t think I want to have a child but if I do I think I would adopt and of course be a single parent. I can raise that child with my very own village, my family and friends, if need be. I hope to do some more traveling. I want to see somewhere in Europe and visit Japan as often as I can. I also want to form more close friendships, maybe someone I would want to or felt close enough to have a QPR with.
- Jhaz
My dream is to travel the world with my QPPs (Queer Platonic Partners) seeing everything we can, meeting all the places we dreamed to see. Maybe go to England again so I can actually go to the Sherlock Holmes Museum this time.
And I also want to be a performing artist. Not necessarily a famous actor or anything but I always love theater and the whole acting and for a few period of time living in someone else's shoes in order to tell their story to everyone. Drama is like my whole existence and atm all I want is to go back to it and be the best I can be. I want to change people's lives even if it's just by representing them in a story.
I don't know how but I know I want to make a difference in the world somehow
- Nanie
Cool
- Robin
I’m still in school so I’m wanting to go to University and study Design and Film and hopefully get a job I love. In terms of Romance though I’m still willing to be open to the idea. Even if it’s just a queer platonic relationship. If I don’t have a partner I’m still happy by myself. I could live in a house by myself and have all my nerdy stuff scattered around. I could live my life without having to worry about anybody else just myself.
- Robin
My ideal situation for the future is living with a platonic partner(s) of sorts or perhaps with a group of close friends or family. I am able to regularly see the people important to me and foster meaningful relationships with many different people. I don't have the 'one' and the people around me understand my way of life. My fears are that everyone I know will pair up and I will always be second best or be devalued in favor of romantic relationships.
- Zephspire
The things I consider most when thinking about goals for the future tend to be career and academics. I want to create stories, as books and comics and tv shows and films, maybe write reviews or start a business. I hope to be able to both get a formal education at the university level, but also it's important to me to pursue knowledge by experience. I want to travel and always be trying new things, I want to learn different languages and be able to sing and play instruments. I want to work on my cooking and baking skills, and possibly pick up other handy skills along the way. I don't know for certain what I want from the future as far as relationships or living situations go - maybe someday I'll adopt kids, maybe I'll live alone or with roommates or just with my family; aside from generally wanting to own a somewhat large house in a major city I'm not set on anything in specific. For me those things will come as opportunities arise, what's most important is being able to travel, sharpen skills, and pursue my artistic endeavors and other hobbies.
- Autumn
I hope that I can keep on working on my field - I'm a museum professional - and that I will get another, better paying position somewhere. Since I have no family I have always been free to move anywhere - currently I'm working 600 km away from my "own home" (I own an apartment in a bigger city and rent another one because of my job). I'm planning to sell my apartment in about 10 years and buy another, a bigger one so that I can finally have my own library room - I have a huge book collection, literally thousands of books, and it is growing every year. Maybe it is going to be my 50th birthday present for myself! :)
I'm also considering to finally keep on studying and get my master’s degree, that would open certain better paying positions. However I like my current job, too (I work in a small museum and am responsible for collections) so I'm in no hurry yet.
It would be nice to find a regular sex partner - I'm aromantic, not asexual - but men of my age are either trying to get younger women for casual sex or then they are after a wife (romantic relationship). Getting casual, fun and satisfying sex was so much easier when I was in my twenties (of course I was younger and thinner and better looking then, LOL). However, I do not want a friend with benefits or fuckbuddy, because those would probably start turning into more serious relationships very fast from the other partner's side and then it would be just horrible and awkward and I hate that. So, so far I just keep a very good and satisfying collection of sex toys.
I love living alone - I don't have even pets or houseplants nor a need for those. I'm childfree, too. I've never been a "nurturing" woman, and I never wanted to play house when I was a child.
Some people have asked me if I am afraid to grow old alone - to be honest, I'm looking forward to that! I know that I am very privileged to live in a country and culture that respects people's need for privacy, the need to live alone and doesn't really force-feed "dating culture" or romance down our throats, unlike for example the USA apparently does (I have read and heard stories from Finnish expats and exchange students...)
I also wish to be able to travel even more. I haven't yet been to Russia, France or Italy. Maybe next year I'll finally book the tickets for an opera tour and go see "Aïda" finally live! :)
- MN from Finland
My future is uncertain. And not in the normal, “well you never know where life will take you!” kind of way, but in a “my career choice explicitly discourages single people to be involved and I have no other career options I want in my life,” kind of way.
Let me explain. My career choice is that of a 4-H Extension Agent, which basically means running a 4-H (youth development in hundreds of areas, like leadership and agriculture) program in just about any county in the USA. I’ve been told by current 4-H agents (who don’t know I’m aroace) that they feel pity for their fellow single agents and know (for a fact apparently) that those who are single hate that fact and are more likely to quit solely because they “don’t have anyone to support them”.
I’m terrified of being pressured to either date someone just so my peers don’t pity me and pressure me to work somewhere less “family-oriented” or having to quit the only career I want to have and settling for something less.
But, if my life works out the way I want it to, then my life will be simple. Live on at least an acre of land, enjoy the company of my cats, dogs, and various farm animals, and be friends with people on my terms. I want a life where my 4-H takes up so much of my life, and my 4-H members are so incredible, that no one could ever look at me and think I’m unhappy because I don’t have any boyfriend.
I want a life where I keep cross-stitching, making increasingly complicated designs and giving them to my friends and those I care about. I want time in my friend to play DnD with my friends, and actually paint my minis one day!
I want a life that people are envious of, and don’t ask me if I’m sad I never found my “other half”, because they can see I’m already whole.
- Anika1705
My dream for the future is a quiet life in a small manageable space near friends I love and places to walk. I work part-time as a musician, and honestly that's all I'd ever like to do in terms of career-- work part-time doing something I love. In my home I'm working on setting up areas suited for the various activities I do at home... a place to store my scores and practice singing, a surface for my sewing and book-binding (skills still in the works!), and a place for my gaming computer.
I want to walk. I want to hike. I want to take weekend trips in the mountains with my friends where we sit surrounded by beautiful landscapes and do nothing at all. I want to visit my parents for dinner and keep up with my sibling's lives. I want them to know who I am, and still love me.
- Lucy
I want to learn, study, and travel. I want to live my life to the fullest I can, learn new languages and skills, and work in psychology once I’ve finished university. I hope to go into therapy, to help people who are struggling with their life be happy and hopeful again. I also want a deep and fulfilling social network, kindling and enhancing and rejuvenating my friendships and family relationships. My ideal living situation would be me sharing a house/apartment with two of my best friends, but maybe I’ll live alone too. Who knows? I’d be happy either way - the future is open and I’m excited to see what’s to come.
- Sophie
My dream future involves a cozy home in the city, housing just me and a cat or two, with a nice backyard for a small garden or hanging-out area. I'd have a huge kitchen that I always keep properly stocked. I'd take the bus or light rail into town and just explore shops and restaurants; I'd visit my friends often and do my best to just have fun as much as possible. I'd travel further, too--hiking in other states or even other countries, roaming cities like New York and San Francisco, sampling the cuisine of other cultures. Perhaps the most important part of my ideal future, though, is simply stability--both financial and mental.
- Peri
I think that, no matter where I go regarding a job or career, I’ll always be making art. In my future, I’m still making music, except every now and then I’ll have enough money to have someone make an animated music video. I’m still drawing and writing, and I’ve improved so much that I feel comfortable enough sharing my characters and stories online. I'll even be commissioning my friends!
I’m no longer living in America. Maybe I’m in Canada or somewhere in Europe. I feel safe enough to go into the city and visit the stores. I go there frequently enough that the workers know my name and pronouns. Maybe as I look around, I chat it up with a stranger, only to realize they’re no stranger at all: they’re an online friend! We hang out and I visit their place. Depending on who they are, we might be doing something sensual. Or we might just play video games together. Maybe both? But they're aromantic like me, and so I feel like I can be my real self around them.
But most importantly, I think I’ll have found the right therapist.
- Imp
I would ideally like a zucchini who will be either a roommate or a neighbor I can see pretty much every day. I would also like to have a few other friends, probably mainly from the LGBTQ+ community, who I can hang out or do fun things with. I would like to have a couple cats and/or dogs in my house but probably not human children. I would like to be involved in changing society for the better through action against injustices as well as possibly educating others about social issues.
- David McCrea
Currently my focus is on getting through university where I will be studying Japanese and Linguistics. Hopefully I'll be able to find work as an interpreter. Beyond that, the future is terrifying. My family emigrated to another country when I was very young and my parents divorced when I was 10, and my older brother passed away 2 years later. Now the only family member I'm in contact with is my mother and our relationship is very strained because of my stepfather. I recently came back from a trip to the country I was born in and met my extended family for the first time - cousins, cousins first removed, great aunts, everyone. It was lovely, but I felt so much anxiety towards my future. Once my mum passes, I will be alone. I won't have that family that I imagine a lot of aromantics choose to invest time in instead of a romantic relationship. I know I will have friends in the future but I also can't expect or imagine them to make me a priority above their own families or relationships they may be creating. This realisation that I might never have a family again when family is so important to me is probably my deepest fear.
If I were to describe my dream life currently in two words it would be: happy family.
My childhood was less than ideal and to get myself through it as a kid I would tell myself that one day it would all be worth it because I'd have my own family, my own children, my own spouse. Going through relationships and realising that the romance parts were just incredibly uncomfortable was really hard.
Ideally, I would marry my best friend (no sexual relations either because I'm also ace), and maybe we would adopt a couple of kids. I don't have many plans for the future at the moment but what my family will look like in twenty, thirty years, has been something I worry about constantly. I try not to imagine specific family scenarios or activities I'd want to do with this pretend future family because it just seems like such an unrealistic demand to ask of anyone.
- Anonymous
I imagine a quiet, relaxing life. I dream of a small house that I can share with my birds. A spare room set up as an art work space. I dream of having a studio in the garage where I can showcase my art. I imagine myself sitting in a comfy chair, reading a good book where I feel completely at home and at peace. I imagine a life where I am happy with the company of myself and I can't wait for that dream to be real.
- Sossa
Mostly when I think of myself in my perfect future I'd be living in a cozy apartment. I might have one of my close friends as my roommate. Probably have a cat and a dog. I'd also love to travel to different places just to experience and see different amazing places. I'd also love to travel with friends or family to make some great memories. My future would mostly just be a quiet and cozy time with some nice adventure thrown in there.
- Anonymous
I want to travel and explore and challenge myself. I want to see the world. I want to have a home base where I can rest my head in comfort, but I don't want to settle down. I want to spend so much time in the outdoors, camping and hiking and kayaking. I want to do big, bold, fun things like skydiving and cliff jumping. I want to see things from a different perspective, like from helicopter rides and balloon rides and submarine rides. I want the freedom to come and go on a whim. Most of all, I see a future where I truly get to enjoy living life with people wondering what that eccentric elderly person is doing traveling to new places all by themself. I see big things, but I don't want to live out some pre-set, extremely detailed plan. I want to see where life can take me if I take advantage of whatever opportunities.
- Blaine
I plan on getting my doctorate degree and working in museums. I want to go to scientific conferences every year, publish research at least twice a decade, have a large invert collection, and learn how to garden. I want to write at least one fiction book. I want to make an album. I want to mentor and foster disadvantaged youth through schooling. Maybe I'll kiss some people, maybe I'll become a found uncle. But mostly, I want to live the best science nerd life I can.
- Anonymous
I want to live my own life. I want to decide when I will go out, when I will stay at home. What I eat, and when I eat. What I wear and how I wear it. How much I want to show my body.
I want my future home to fit my pets not to a partner. It might be dusty with hay or pieces are gnawed on. And a very low amount of electronic devices due to cables being avoided. But there is battery electronics and I have my pets.
I want every room themed in a pride flag of mine. I don't want to have to appease a roommate or partner in a relationship or a friend. It is my home and I have to live there. If I don't tell you off then I expect the same respect for me.
I want my own space where no one can interfere.
- Leproid.waterfall.social
I want to be an actor!! I don’t ever really plan on being alone, and I picture myself in a queer platonic relationship!!! I’m currently in high school and not looking for one right now, but definitely later (when? Who can say). I don’t expect to ever really have much money, but as long as there’s a roof over my head, the necessities are taken care of, and I’m surrounded by people that I love and who love me, I’ll be good! I do not ever want to give birth and add more kids into the world, but I do want to adopt and maybe foster, starting in my thirties? Forties? I don’t know, but when I’m ready. The truth is, I really don’t completely know what I want except to be surrounded by people who will love me for whoever I turn out to be and who I can love for whoever they are.
- Oak
I want to live in a big townhouse with all my closest friends. There's many pets, including cats, dogs, and parrots. Maybe some chickens and goats in the backyard. I'll work as a zookeeper or a biologist. My chosen family and I will play Dnd together, watch movies, hang out while we're all home. Our combined salaries would be modest but enough to cover the necessities. The place would be homey and comfortable; lived in. We would all support each other and live as a big queer family, and if any of my friends have kids, we would all help take care of them. I'd be the weird aunkle.
- Anonymous
My dream future is to live with all of my closest friends, it doesn’t matter where. A big shared house, apartments next to each other, houses in a row with a big shared garden. I just want to spend my life with the people I love without judgement or insistence that I’m doing something wrong.
- Anonymous
I see my future as a small tiny house (on wheels, probably) for me and my pets. I love snakes and frogs more than anything else, so I'd love to share my life with a tiny zoo.
- Anonymous
I want to live together with friends, have a garden with vegetables and build some stuff in and around my house myself. I will learn a lot about myself. I want to study physics and if I'm good enough I'll go into quantum physics.
I will continue to hang out a lot in queer spaces and do more activism. I want to travel and learn many languages.
- Frost
My dream is to share a home with a group of other queer individuals. I want us all to be close, and I want to be as much an equal partner in everything as anyone’s romantic partner(s) is. I want to open a shelter/therapy service specifically for children and teens because I and too many other people that I know had to worry about finding a place to go if we got kicked out or things got bad and we had to run away. Is any of that what I think will actually happen? No, I think I’ll find a job as a therapist or a counselor and live alone with my cats.
- Anonymous
For my future career, I plan to go to college and then enter the computer science industry. There’s more detail to this dream, but let’s focus on the aro specific parts.
Recently I’ve been trying to figure out my personal goals. I’ve envisioned myself living with a couple people really close to me. At first I thought these were just close friends and roommates, but now I’m wondering if they’d actually be QPPs or some sort of alterous relationship? I’m still questioning this part of myself.
- Anonymous
My ultimate dream is to be content. Content with what I have, where I'm going, where I am. Besides that, I have a small dream of a house. I hope it has a garden that I have the motivation to tend; but I mostly want a library with a secret door. I saw a video of making a secret bookshelf drawer, and I would love that someday. I think I'd like a cat, and maybe I would have a room with no furniture but a futon, or a comfy floor with lots of blankets, and maybe a projector. I could cuddle with the cat and watch things.
I think if I ever found someone that I was comfortable enough with, I might be able to let them into my future, but I would need space too. Honestly, communal living sounds ideal to me. I find it difficult making friends though, so perhaps I'll just stick with the cat!
- Luce
I want to work on what I love, to be financially independent, successful at my job, own a house and then dedicating my free time to learn anything that catches my attention. Gardening would be first, filling my house with all kinds of plants and being perfectly able to know each plant's characteristics. Collecting all sorts of things, like gems and other minerals, old objects, etc. I would like to live with friends, tho. Like having roommates that I can rely on, have fun with, share, make good memories. Traveling all over the world with my family is what brings me lots of joy, too. Lots of things to do~
- Anonymous
I am in the moment about to get my degree in university and in a qpr with three other people that I've known for 8 years. My future will be getting my diploma, probably working in my doctor's, and living together with them. I'll hopefully leave my abusive parents behind and have a brighter future being true to who I am and capable of expressing myself more freely. We plan on getting our own place and rescue some cats because I'd love to have a pet and we agreed on this. The way we are going to make this future real will be hard, but we're ready to face it together as always, supporting each other in everything
- R
My dream life: I finish my undergrad degree. I go on to earn a doctorate in math, probably. I have an apartment very near my job, or maybe I can live on site or, better yet, work remotely. (I’m disabled and already know that I hate commuting.) I build a QPR with another queer person. Probably a feminine gendered person. Or perhaps I’ll build QPRs with multiple queer people. Perhaps I coparent my partner's children. Perhaps we adopt a child or three together. I have really good access to medical care. Better migraine treatment is developed and it fucking works. My mental health improves.
A dog is in there somewhere. I have a room in my chosen family’s house that I don’t share.
I have enough time to read. A lot. And even time to write if I want. There are pride colors all over my living space. They are not subtle. I have a piano and use it regularly. I wear makeup when I feel like it. There is a lot of glitter involved.
I have something like 15 good friends / chosen family members outside of my chosen household and they are all queer. I never have to correct them misgendering me. I get my breasts removed or very reduced.
Maybe I have sex, maybe I don’t. It’s not that important to me. Maybe I get legally married for tax benefits, but maybe not. I am a relationship anarchist after all. I do not feel incomplete without a partner/s. I just think it would be more fun to have one than not.
I have fast internet.
- Athena
In the future I will be content, living in a small house with just the right amount of cats. I work in a bakery, one I own and run. I have a close group of friends, most are queer in some way, and we are happy. I am free to hang out with my cats when I want, and my friends and I get together at least once a month to hang out. There is no pressure to fall in love and get married, or to go on dates. I am simply allowed to be me, to exist as I want, and no one will judge me for that. I will be happy, surrounded by the things I enjoy, and the people I have come to enjoy being around.
- Vibe
I want to live with my best friend in a cute lil apartment in a big city where we both have exciting creative jobs and can also curl up and watch shit tv in the evenings and where we can chat for hours over cups of tea and go on lil city trips abroad a couple of times a year. I want to have a big group/groups of friends that I see all the time and who all live really close together and I want to have plenty of aro/ace friends who I can have lots of long talks about love and amatonormativity and our experiences with it. Later I want to have kids & give them a childhood like the one I had, full of love and security, I want to co-parent with someone but if I can't have that I want to adopt and be the best single mum anyone could possibly have.
- Sabrina
I've always been prepared for ending up alone, which wouldn't be that bad if I kept in touch with all my friends and family. However, recently I've been thinking about sharing a cottage - doesn't have to be a cottage, really, but I've always dreamt about living in the woods - with some friends. We'll live as siblings, sharing everything "like first Christians or communists", as I like to joke. It will be hard to find people willing to give up romantic relationships, but I think it's possible. Oh I can't wait for all the cooking, gardening (vegetable corner is a must!), walks, philosophical disputes, and movie nights!
I'm definitely going to adopt children. I hope I'll be allowed to do that without being married. Those kids really need a family and I'll try to be the best family for them I can be! Also, pets. Lots of pets. From shelters, of course. I love animals, and I've never had any of my own.
As for activities, well, just as now, everything I can get my hands on! :D Studying, learning languages, training karate, making musicals with my friends, drawing, writing books and plays, watching TV series, daydreaming, reading books and comics, trying to cook, singing in a choir, and maybe even more! As for an actual job, I'm going for a children psychiatrist. When will I sleep? No idea, but I know there'll be dreams come true!
- Anonymous
I wanna finish my degree in genetics and maybe go on to grad school? Not sure if that's necessary, but ehhh. I'm still not sure what to do with my life career wise, so I'd like to figure that out. You know that house covered in rainbows in front of the Westboro Baptist Church? I want a house like that, but with ace colors. I don't know if I want a long term partner or what I'd expect of them, as of now. Maybe some kind of friends with benefits thing? That sounds pretty good. I'd love to travel, Europe in specific, but just traveling sounds pretty fun. I'd also like to hang around and keep contacts with the friends that I currently have. It'll be really weird if we just kinda stop talking
- Thiago
This year I’m graduating and attending community college in the fall. I’ll be living with my parents for the next two years at least, but eventually when I have the money I’d like to live in a mobile mini house. I plan on continuing my education after community college, but I still don’t know what I plan to study exactly or what career I’m aiming for yet. Since I struggle with mental health and since I’m transgender, I hope to make enough money to not only live a comfortable, frugal life, but pay for my treatment and transition. I don’t want any romantic relationships, but I’m still not sure if I would be comfortable with a committed friendship or qpr. I hope I will have time to commit to hobbies, friendships, and activism outside of my job as well.
- Gene
I want to go back to school and get a degree in Library Science so I can become a librarian, and then I’ll go and learn the bookbinding trade so I can be a bookbinder as well because why not! And perhaps by that time my efforts to get my books published will have paid off and I’ll be a published author. Finding a nice person to travel the world with as good friends would be like icing on the cake, and one day in the future maybe settle down with. Growing old with my best friend sounds like a wonderful life to me.
- Mason
I'm honestly not sure what I want. I want to make art my career and have 1-3 cats. That's all I know for now. I may want top surgery (I'm nonbinary) but I'm not sure about that yet. I might want a qpp, but I'd be fine with not having a partner, romantic or otherwise. I want to have a nice small apartment, nothing big since there will only ever live a maximum of 2 people. I'd like to have a close group of friends to meet up with a few times a week to just enjoy each other's company.
- Anonymous
I’m currently in theatre school, and I want to be an actor. Well, really, I want to work in theatre at large because that’s how you actually make a living at it these days, but yeah. I want to do Shakespeare, mostly, but also new stuff. Especially queer new stuff.
On a personal level, I want to live with my best friend/QPP one day. It probably won’t be for a while, but we’ve talked about it and I really hope that it happens. I want to keep pushing for the deconstruction of amatonormativity. I want to enjoy being alone, too. I like it, I value solitude. I want to have a life where I do things I enjoy and make meaning in my own ways.
- RJ
My dream future is as a costume designer for theatre. Making beautiful, memorable costumes that will entertain theatre patrons!!! On the side, a small fashion line that I can sell online. Sustainably made, made for people whose bodies and needs do not "fit the norm" in fashion. Whether that's being plus size, petite, genderqueer, and/or disabled. I want everyone to feel good in what they wear! Ambitious? Yes. But I want to try. On a personal level, I want to live with a significant other. Whether they are a romantic partner or a platonic partner remains to be seen; I am grey-romantic, I'm waiting to see what life throws at me. I want to live in an average-sized house that I own (or am working on a mortgage). I want to be financially independent. I will raise a couple children, raising them with love and respect. I will NEVER read their phone messages without permission, simply teach them what to look out for and to come to me if they are unsure. Kids are people with rights too, they have privacy to respect. I hope they will grow up to stand with people less privileged than them. I want a home filled with love and compassion. My adult life will be a life full of love.
- Wingz
My aromantic future first involves going to college and getting a degree, possibly going on to get a master's (and maybe a PhD if I feel compelled). Then I want to use my degree to work on rare and under-researched diseases. I'd eventually get to rescue pets, and have a house, using my free time to take any and all classes in my area, learning as many new skills as possible. I would like to foster kids, and maybe adopt, even if I have to wait until retirement. My future is no longer dependent on a partner, but if someone was willing to commit to me platonically I wouldn't say no. In essence, I'd live in my own world, learning and growing, helping as many people and animals as I am able, and enjoying the company of a few close friends.
- Lynn
I dream of making a living as a published author, but even if I can't earn enough with my writing to write full-time, I still want to publish my work. I love kids, but can't see how having my own would fit into my life. My college roommate and I plan on living in the same house eventually, along with her long-term boyfriend and their future family; I would be a sort of aunt to their children, and a third caregiver. Eventually - probably in middle age - I would like to become a nun, God willing. I'm an Orthodox Christian, and I don't think that many of our monasteries work closely with their local communities, but if I can I'd like to enter a monastery that runs an orphanage or otherwise works with kids.
- Anonymous
My future is in a small house where I can focus on my career and rise in a position where I can help others. It's quiet and there aren't a lot of people so I can focus on myself and my own happiness. Just a place where I can own a couple pets, have time to grow some of my own food and spend time away from humanity so I can relax. There aren't any children or significant others, but that means I can have control over when I choose to socialize by volunteering or whatever I want, because I will have earned freedom as to what to do with my time.
- Anonymous
I didn't want to write anything at first, because after reading all of the examples, I realized mine doesn't fit in. Sure, I want to have a house with a secret door to a secret library and a lot of pets and a big garden, but I also know that's not going to happen. I will spend my life in a small rented apartment, because there is no way I could ever afford to buy a property. I will probably get a cat, but since I'm traveling a lot maybe that won't be possible. I will have an ordinary 9-5 job that will pay for my rent, my trips and my hobbies. I don't want to live with other people, I find it annoying and I need my space. However, even though this sounds like a horror story to some people and maybe it sounds too harsh and ordinary, I think this is the perfect life and I look forward to it. What I described is very close to what will actually happen, I think, and I know that this is something that will make me happy. And if by any chance there is a secret library somewhere, I will be positively surprised.
- Goose
I don't think I will want to marry anyone, and I don't want to have my own kids, but I think I would love to adopt. I have a comfortable job, with non-strenuous hours, and I still enjoy doing it. I will have a small garden for growing my favorite vegetables, in a decent neighborhood, and a pretty/cozy house.
- Anonymous
As I grow older, I realize that a single “life goal” is not my thing. I am not a Sim. It’s still hard to envision a future. I know what I don’t want: apathy, lack of imagination, boredom. I want my life to involve knowledge and creativity; hopefully I’ll be able to foster it in others. It’s not true that I don’t love, no matter what others say; it’s only that my love isn’t romantic, it’s only that my love isn’t exclusive. Every day I strive to love the world, and to love myself, and maybe that is a life goal after all. In my future, I see books and art supplies. I see words written and told, words in, words out. I see worlds inside me to describe, worlds outside to explore. Friends near and far. A house full of trinkets, walls covered with memories. Traveling to other places, haunting cons in better costumes, and returning swiftly to my own space with small treasures to cherish and share. I can never be fully, truly myself outside, but inside my walls I will. My younger self, I think, would be proud.
- Dale
Honestly? I can't speak that much since i don't know what will be in my mind as a 30, 40, or 50 year-old, but things I'm sure at is I hope I'll make an animation, cartoon series hopefully, not for children but not adult styled shows stuff. Something of my own :]. I'll be a voice actor too. Also I wanna make a video game. Then I'll see. I don't want to work at one job for all of my 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s and gladly 90s and 100, so I have enough time to do as many things as possible. Honestly I'm happy in Israel but I'll probably need to move out some times for jobs. And this, more related to aromanticism, I don't need a partner. For me it's just a title I could give someone while giving them the same amount of infinite love. So I hope to have as many friends as I can!! And honestly the word friend itself means so much to me I don't need more "titles" - for other people it may be important, for me? Not really. Oh and I WILL keep my cat Lola. She's fat. I must.
- Skrappy
What I would like for myself one day is to live near the sea, doing art in my free time and tending to my own garden. Ideally I would have a healthy little reptile friend and maybe a ferret or two; my home will never be without pets. I would like to live with a very close friend, or to be at least neighbors with one, I tend to get too lonely without someone to talk to. I am still learning to be vulnerable and open with other people, and to not immediately flinch when someone tries to touch me. Hopefully the future for me means enjoying cuddle time with my friends as I am not the best with my words!
- Rain
My aromantic future hopefully looks like a master’s degree in photography and to be the first of my family to not only get a bachelor’s but the master’s too. I want to be the cool art teacher that kids can go to and be able to help them. I’d like a nice house for my dog, Guinevere. We’d probably be living with my cousin and her S/O. Life is fun and we all get along and enjoy it as a family.
- AD.
I'm going to start uni in April, and I'm not 100% sure if my career choice is what I'll want to do in the future, but it's what I want to study now. I want to learn about everything I can and I'll do just that. Other than uni, I've been writing a ton more lately, and I hope to keep writing, because it is something I really enjoy doing, and if sometimes I post what I write or sometimes I don't, it doesn't matter; I write for myself and it makes me happy. So my future is basically uni and learning a bunch of new things and writing which makes me happy... I'm excited!
- Juli
I don’t know much, but I plan to go to college, and me and my best friend want to move in together. I know my best friend eventually wants to move in with their partner, but for a bit everything will be peachy.
- Anonymous
I look forward to leaving a legacy. As a Historian, one is often expected to write something and add to the world. I intend to write for those who can't, tell the stories of those long before us, and hold a microphone up for the unheard. This is what I have chosen.
It's this that is the driving force in other works of mine, including fictional novels I intend to write. In them are commentaries of today's world and how ace/aro people are treated as an afterthought at best in mainstream media.
It will be a long time until any of these projects are done, but I look forward to them and write what I can every day.
- Nychole
We’d like to thank everyone who participated in this experience. Reading through these submissions during ASAW was especially inspiring. We hope to collect more stories like these in the future; if you have a topic or question you’d like answered by your peers feel free to contact us.